New Years Eve Bites (Article)

Happy new year everyone. I’m sure we all have many ridiculous stories to share and while I have you sitting around the MetroWize campfire, I’ll take this opportunity to share with you mine. It’s about me and the 18 year old crazed girl who bit me. It’s a classic boy meets girl, boy gets too close, boy gets bit, boy punches girl type story. Read on…

This year for New Years, I went up to Tahoe with my girlfriend for all of the festivities. For those that haven’t been there for New Years, South Lake is one of the strangest places anywhere to celebrate this particular night. I’ll set the stage… It’s about 15 degrees out and thousands of people come from miles around (most on foot) to go stand in a giant cluster of people in the middle of the street between the casinos. South Lake is split in half by the California/Nevada border and on the California side the police are in riot gear and have check points set up everywhere confiscating any alcohol they find. If you manage to make it to a particular intersection without getting caught however, you make it into Nevada where they lose their jurisdiction and any power to stop you from apparently doing what ever you want. It’s like a giant game of tag with police in riot gear. Literally hundreds of people would get together and make a dash for it to get to the Nevada state line. Some would perish and have to forfeit their booty but it was for the good of the group… Think of a pack of gazelle’s being hunted by a cheetah, but the cheetah is wearing riot gear and the gazelle’s are trashed.

So anyways, we make it to the State line, narrowly avoiding the cops and sneaking in our backpacks full of booze. We nestle our way into the sea of people and stake out our circle of trust (you’ve seen those candles with the people holding hands in a circle right?) that under no circumstances is to be broken. New Years hits and the mob goes insane… The crowd starts shifting and swaying and our precious circle is broken. This is when all hell breaks lose. As I am holding on to my girlfriend to protect her from this madness, I am getting tossed around in the sea of people. Apparently, and I say this because it was very unintentional, I invaded some girl’s personal comfort envelope with my arm… This happened to be close to her mouth and her razor sharp teeth. She did what any drunken 18 year old girl in a mob of New Year’s Eve revelers would do in her situation and opened wide then chomped down on my arm with all her might. I know it was all her might because this was a very little girl who managed to grind her teeth into my skin through my ski jacket, fleece and sweatshirt. Needless to say, this caught me by surprise and it hurt like a son of a bitch and my knee jerk reaction was to swat at whatever was causing this horrible pain. My big black mitten hit her square on the face as I wheeled around yelling some sort of string of swear words like Ralphy in the Christmas Story.


Now I see this vicious animal and she has this exorcist style possessed look on her face. I think she might have had rabies because she was foaming at the mouth (that might have been Champaign though)? She screams at me to “Back the F’ off” and makes another lunge at me with those jaws of death of hers. I felt like a kid who thought it would be fun to throw rocks at the bee hive but then realized that when bees get mad, they come at you and sting you. I did what any boy in that situation would do… Got the hell out of there. I’ll be honest, she scared the crap out of me. The rest of the night was spent nursing my wounds and listening to my intoxicated girlfriend tell me how she would have kicked that girls ass and how I was a wuss… happy New Year indeed.



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